Hm. Same ole, same ole.

Got busy this week and didn't do my workout on Wednesday. Told myself I'd do it Thursday, didn't happen. SO, even though we were scheduled to go to a little get-together last night, Jerry and I got our 12 minutes in. Except, for my benefit he put the Wednesday workout in so we could get it done first. Then, we did the Friday one. OMG. Two back to back is a lot. Feeling stronger. Need to run...my legs are getting that *antsy* feeling.

Made a small poundcake to take to the in-laws because it's MIL's birthday. It smelled good, but I wasn't tempted. Well, I WAS tempted, but more because I used a new recipe, and everyone said it was good. I kinda didn't believe them that it was THAT good, so I wanted to prove it to myself that it turned out. So, back and forth I went on having a bite, and finally decided not to. What would be the point of knowing if it was good? So I'd know it was good, and I couldn't (wouldn't) have more? So I hope the kids eat it. There's just a few slices left.

Left knee kinda hurt yesterday doing our workout. It's hurt a little like that before, when we were doing Bikram yoga and it was at the beginning. The hurting stopped, which makes me think it's just some weak part in the joint screaming out because new things are happening. We'll give it a couple days.

Funny about when you change your diet, folks try to encourage you to return to the status quo. "You can have just a little bit, it will be ok." or "You can cheat a little, it's not gonna hurt nothin'..." Well, I'm 10 days in. And feeling like I've got a handle on things, why would I start over? And why would I take advice from folks that are 50-60# overweight? Consider the source. Consider the source. These folks do NOT know what is good for me. I think they think I'm tortured or deprived, and while I'm NOT eating cakes and such right now, I don't feel deprived like on a diet. If you've never done it though, I guess you wouldn't know. I'm going to stop trying to explain what I'm doing though, because it's annoying for folks to say "Ohhh, so you're doing ATKINS?" Uhno. Not doing Atkins. There's gotta be a simpler explanation, like "OH, I'm eating mostly fresh things..."

So, had a big kale salad for dinner last night while everyone else had "regular" food. I was satisfied, and it was delicious. They had pound cake, whipped cream, and sugared mixed berries. I had a bowl of berries with a little xylitol on them, and that was delicious too.

I think I'm gonna skip store-bought almond milk. I think they add too much calcium to it, and it's messing with my digestion. Bleh.

Bleh. Not much to say.

Except I don't get hungry, I get cranky. Was running out the door the other day without breakfast (OMG I sooooo know better!) and by the time we got back, it was lunchtime. So, I had breakfast for lunch, and then I ate lunch for dinner, and was STILL cranky. Just couldn't catch up.

And I did that two days in a row. :( Am I trying to reach my threshold so I will just binge on everything in sight? Way to sabotage yourself. Nice.

Ate breakfast today, so we're back on track. Ran yesterday, and it was good. Didn't do my 12 mins. Want to do it today, and I'm already setting myself up to "not have time". Again, nice. Some of this stuff is not food related at all...it's habit-related and emotion-related. More mental work. Ugh. It's so hard.

Foraging for Food

I need to plan better. Still am sugar-free and feeling really good. Alert. Non-irritated. Easier to be around, lol! But while lunch is planned most days (salad with some sort of nuts on it) dinner hasn't been the past couple nights. Just been eating "sides" of things at a whim. I guess that's ok, to eat what you feel like eating, but if you don't know what you have, I can see where that would get me into trouble.

Want a Vitamix BAAAAAAD so I can make almond flour. Want to attempt a pizza crust from the Max Living recipes. Even Jerry said he'd wanna try it and eat it with me. :D Wouldn't that be awesome if the WHOLE family got off of wheat?

Feeling strong after doing the #4 workout. 12 minutes a day is totally easy to carve out. Ran 3 miles the day before and all the parts are working good.

Starting Day Seven

Was bummed last night making dinner because I planned on stir-fry and guess what...EVERY sauce known to man has either wheat or sugar or both in it. Like, I would actually describe it as being depressed. All I wanted was some yummy stir-fried veggies and what I was going to get was...salted steamed stir-fry veggies. BUMMER. So, as I was cooking, I said a blessing to the Creator thanking them for the food, and please help it nourish and heal me. That's the goal, right? And, I want to remember to bless all food that I eat. Much easier when it's good food, much harder when it's nachos. Can you see the total contridiction when you're eating nachos? Perhaps that's why the blessings have been few and far between...because I just wasn't putting good stuff in my bod all the time. And if you don't wanna pay attention to it, of COURSE you don't say a blessing.

The menu yesterday was weird, but I can safely say "no sugar" because for dinner I ended up with sauteed veggies in olive oil and a little salt and a splash of red wine vinegar. Very tasty, and I ate with chopsticks.

Weighed 179 this morning, which happens occasionally. Bouncing around between 184-179. I will be shocked when I hit 178. I think I got down to 176 three years ago when I was doing yoga training. Funnily enough, traditional yoga says no bread too. No cooked things whatsoever. I love it when all our experiences come together and start to make sense, at the time I felt tortured. Probably because I wasn't ready.

23 Pounds and 23 minutes?

That's kinda a fun thing to think about. It would put me at 159 and a half marathon 2:30. Someone once told me (maybe my sis, the uber runner!) 10 lbs adds 10 seconds to every mile, so 20 pounds lighter would AUTOMATICALLY bring me down from 13 minute miles to 12:40 without any additional conditioning. What a lovely thought THAT is. That's 166 minutes or so. Or, a 2:46 half. Hmmmmmm.

Yesterday was an ok day. Didn't really feel all that energetic. Stopped by the store yesterday to get secret Easter Bunny stuff, and it was mentally tough. Here I am, shopping for chocolates and sugary things for my kids, when I'm doing the opposite. Not that I WANTED the things...there was no craving. Just kind of depressing to purposefully buy junk. I'm not even big into giving candy and marshmallowy things, more like juice boxes and things we just don't get all the time. Goldfish, things like that. Still...there's no nutrition going on there. Then, there's the flip side with me buying stuff for me: snap peas, radiccio, a fresh artichoke, mushrooms, peppers, a tomato, kale. How much fresh food could I have bought for the money I spent on "snack" type foods. A LOT. UGH.

Breakfast: Eggs, coffee+milk
Lunch: Salad + walnuts + oil and vinegar, cheddar cheese, glass of milk

Dinner: was kinda messed up. By the time I got done agonizing over the stuff at the grocery, it was 9:30pm. I actually (how embarassing) drank OUT OF THE CARTON of almond milk on the way home. I know, how trashy. But...I'm the only one that will be using it. So, no one will have to be grossed out. Besides, mom cooties are universal. Right? And, I had a string cheese. Strangely I didn't really start feeling hungry until about 9pm, so that was about 7 hours between meals. Way to far to stretch it, I know. But at least I didn't by my favorite popcorn and munch it on the way home. There was stuff waiting on the stove last night to round out my "car meal".

Almond Milk, cheese stick, brussel sprouts, peas, asparagus.

I think I need to come up with meal plans. Eating on the fly is ok, but it's just BEGGING for me to make a mistake. Or justify not eating well. My mind is really good right now, not trying to excuse myself from what I've decided to do. Others that are making changes seem to be a little wishy-washy, like they're not ready to commit full on yet. In the past I would have joined the club, but right now this is more important. Self-love is the most important.

Ran today, felt ok. Legs were a little sore still from Wednesday. Did abs today...I'm sure I'll feel it tomorrow.

Ow.Ow.Ow.

My bum hurts. Did lower body yesterday, and it rocked. Want to run a bit today, we'll see if the schedule allows. Chiro later this afternoon, and it's really a half-day event just getting everybody ready to go out.

Eating was good yesterday. Didn't feel very "crave-y". Added some hummus to regular lunch and while I didn't feel overfull, I *did* eat it before assessing if I was still hungry. Ended up with a light dinner after that, and it was a-ok. Funnily enough, my flax cracker recipe from the internet is the SAME recipe from the Maximized Living book. Had one of them yesterday, and they were not CRACKERY at all. Very much like bread, and I just had one. I think a dehydrator is on the menu because I kinda feel like I'm eating those ones just so I don't waste, instead of them being yummy.

Slept a lot last night. On previous nights I woke up early (like 3:30am) feeling wide awake with nothing to do. Last night was straight through for 9 hours. Dunno what it means.

Need to go to the store. Out of kale. Need to stop by the Asian Market because their produce section rocks.

Breakfast: eggs, hemp seeds, coffee, milk.

***an intermission here to note that I had an amazing burst of energy yesterday and cleaned for about 5 hours nonstop. Bathrooms, including shower and tub, a cupboard, laundry...constant motion. It was fabulous. This happens for me every now and again, usually toward the end of a cold. Since I haven't had a cold since November, I haven't been able to cash in on the energy burst, lol. I've done this thing a couple times, of course...but yesterday was fun. Felt good to move. By 2pm I felt like "OMG, better eat..." but really didn't get hungry, hungry.

Lunch: salad + tahini + walnuts, hummus
Dinner: spring mix greens + sunflower seeds + olive oil/red wine vinegar, stick of cheddar, milk.

Didn't really feel hungry @ dinner, but ate "something" because it was a mental thing. And then...I was like, looking for something to do. Dinner was at 6pm, and I was waiting for...more food centered activity. What do we do when we have nothing to do? We eat! Yesterday though, I knit. Either for enjoyment or distraction, one of the two.

Bartering with an acquaintance for a new, never worn swimsuit. Size medium. Could it fit by the end of summer? That would be cool, since I'm currently "large" (literally).

I am about to gnaw my own arm off.

Not from hunger, but at least I will be guaranteed something crunchy in the middle. Never on earth did I realize what a mental babysitter "something crunchy" is. Right now anything crunchy would do...crackers...chips...pringles...pretzels...let me reiterate, I do not feel physiologically hungry. I feel very Caveman Need CRUNCHY NOW hungry.

And so, I have found a recipe for flax crackers. Gah. Hope they turn out.

**************************

OK, so I didn't gnaw my arm off, and I *did* make the crackers. They were *just* ok, a little bitter perhaps from the garlic. Perhaps from the flax meal. I ate a granny smith while they baked. "This crunch is just not doing it for me..." I thought as the crackers baked. They were really not all that crunchy either...more like bread. Next time I'll flatten them thinner, if there is a next time....ba ha ha! Took a super-fast power walk with Jerry and felt better about a mile in. Could be because the snack kicked in, could be from walking. I don't care. That crazy craving feeling sucks.

Just ate dinner, so it's pretty safe to write down food for today:

Breakfast: eggs w/flax meal, coffee with stevia + milk
Lunch: Salad with walnuts + tahini
Snack: granny smith + flax crackers
Dinner: hummus, brussel sprouts, steamed broccoli.

The hummus was super yummy, with lots of lemon, pepper, and made w/grapeseed oil.

Day One is DONE

...and we're in the morning of Day 2. I was a snotty, cranky, you-know-what yesterday afternoon. Could have been nerves, could have been just adjusting to the new normal. Didn't feel hungry, which is like, my number one priority. That feeling is so uncomfortable, and it makes me wanna eat junk food.

Meals for yesterday:

Breakfast: scrambled eggs cooked in coconut oil + hemp seeds, salt. Coffee w/sugar free creamer (last day of that...on to Stevia + whole milk)
Lunch: mixed green salad w/walnuts + tahini, milk
Dinner: kale salad + sunflower seeds + feta, peas, lima beans.

Felt more thirsty than usual yesterday. Seems to happen when I eat "more protein". I know this because like I said, I've dabbled in the advanced plan before. Kinda the dress rehearsal for the real deal, lol. The absence of hunger was weird the first time around, and it left me feeling nervous and idle. How often do things center around food and the preparation of it? Seeking out and nibbling?

All day it felt like I was noticing everything that had sugar in it. Things that I would have thought nothing of eating before, like the blue corn chip samples at Whole Foods. When I had my salad at lunch, I did a visual scan of "all the dressings" in the fridge, and none are eligible choices. Ah, well. Rediscovered how much I love tahini yesterday, and made a mental note to stop by the indian grocer soon.

Needed workout bands for T3, and wanted to start on an actual Monday. After grocery shopping at Sam's and Whole Foods, I just couldn't consider lugging the two littles into the sporting goods store. Especially with perishables in the trunk. Here's where I start to get pissy. I called Jerry to ask him to pick up the exercise bands, and since he was at work he logged onto the internet to get EXACTLY what I wanted. Except there's 35 different kinds of bands online. I'm like: I need a band with handles. THAT'S IT. The tubing should be color coded. I need MEDIUM. Poor guy was trying to clarify, and I was in the mode of: just effing DO IT already. Bands. Now. Medium. I'm not normally like that.

Then he gets home, we're set to start, and he's ready to take the "before" shots. REALLY??? I wanted to do this YESTERDAY. So, I was irritated the whole time while we're doing the measurements. I was mad because he couldn't hold the measuring tape "right" and I just did it myself and he read off the numbers. Even that was irritating, because he was saying things like "26 and two eighths" and I'm mad because it's like....um, two eighths is ONE FOURTH!!! But thankfully I don't *say* that, I'm thinking it in my mind. I realize I was the unreasonable one, and I'm not quite sure where the irritation comes from. This was about 5pm, and I ultimately went to bed early because I was just....done.

Woke up alert and refreshed this morning at 5:30am. Sometimes it's too hard to get up that early, but my sleep was exceptional.

Starting Today...

Doing things with more purpose in the running-fitness-health arena. Lots to say, but haven't organized my thoughts yet. Adding T3 workouts to this half marathon training plan along with some dietary changes that are guided by Maximized Living Nutrition Plans. I've been playing around in the food department for a few months now, and have seen some benefits. It's time to go all-in now...wheeee!

I have now ran 3 half-marathons as a one hundred eighty two pound woman. I feel strong, and I'm getting healthier by the day. Each of those half-marathons have been around 3 hours, with the latest one clocking at 2:53. I intend to run my next one in October, Ramblin' Rose Women's Half Marathon! The freaky thing is, I'm going to train to run it in 2:30. EEK! I know it's a lot of improvement to expect, but I also know that I was not as dedicated to training as I could have been for the LAST half marathon, and I felt FABULOUS afterward. And, I had a revelation that I have much more in me to do even better for the next one.